Practical Ways To Deal With Anger

In dealing with anger, the wise man warns “Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools” (Eccl. 7:9). It is therefore unwise to either seek after anger or hold on to it. Therefore, there is a need to take some practical steps that help to control anger.

One would find that psychological theories on anger management dwell on these biblical foundations. Jesus in Matthew 18:15-20 provides a framework for dealing with the wrongs of others. 

1. Avoid Prejudice.

The issues of yesterday should not form the basis for judging people or situations today. The perception about a group of people based on ethnicity or race, or educational/professional background should not rule our judgment. Get to know things as they are for yourself. The Jesus model here also allows only the one offended to have first-hand information – go to your brother alone.

This allows a fault to be kept between only two people. Most often, people wrongfully create bad notions about others. When we meet ‘those bad people’ we may put up smiles and cordial relationships. However, at the back of our minds, we ponder over how bad such a person could be. Know that the extent of damage caused by character assassins is never completely repaired. 

2. Seek Clarification

If a brother sins against you, go to him. As noted, this first-level action allows brethren to sort themselves out without public notice and involvement. Sometimes, we enjoy blowing things out of proportion, attracting the attention of others who may not be involved, and leaving wrong notions about people.

No matter how much we try to right the wrongs, the false accusations will go further than the corrections we try to make about them. When we seek clarification, things can be made clearer and brotherly love maintained. Ask the right questions, ask the right people.

3. Give people the benefit of the doubt.

In legal parlance, no one is guilty until proven so by a court of competent jurisdiction. There are many innocent people who have been condemned wrongly. People have mobbed suspected persons as robbers, many of whom have died.

It is the same with how Christians judge one another based on perceptions. When you are not in the position of seeking clarification, give them the benefit of the doubt. When people come to you with reports of others, be the first to defend your brother. Don’t be the one to escalate matters. It is refreshing to look at the positive side of things, and the good in even bad situations. 

4. Manage expectations.

There are some people who are naturally perfectionists. Their expectations of people and things/events are often high. When such situations do not meet their rather high standards and expectation, their reactions may lead to anger. Jesus helps us to view the imperfections of others through our imperfections. He calls for clearing the beam in one’s eyes before removing that of others (Matthew 7:5). Again, those who can cast the stone are those without any sin (John 8:7). 

5. Take it easy. Cool your temper.

The Jesus model provides a three-stage process for dealing with a sinful brother. The first is a one-on-one affair. This is followed by the company of two or three. Then the whole church comes in. By the time you go through these three stages, time will have elapsed, and time will have healed. In our day-to-day life, taking deep slow-packed breath-in and breath-out, exercising and others may help in dealing with anger. 

When the disciples asked Jesus about forgiveness, the hope was that he would stamp the age-old concession seven times. His response is a boundless one – seventy times seven (Matthew 18:22). However, in Luke’s account (Luke 17:1-4), he emphasizes the role of the offender – to repent. But what if the offender does not repent? Matthew says such a person is counted as an unbeliever.

Final Words

Jesus’s ministry was characterized by provocation from his fellow Jews to sin. He was tempted in every way, yet without sin (Hebrews 4:15). His enterprise was to make strong the weaknesses of this world, and to make wise the foolishness of the world (1 Cor. 1:20, 27). Jesus’ approach to issues was of a new paradigm. It did not make sense to the logic of the day. Jesus speaks to retaliation, going the extra mile and loving those who hate and oppose us. These are unthinkable!